How to handle a Bullying Boss

Research has shown that one of the top reasons why people leave a job is because of being unable to work with a difficult boss. Most of these bosses are at the middle-level management. All of us have come across at least a few difficult people in our lives…an irritating neighbour, a busybody aunt, a gossipy friend. Some of them we can deal with, since they may just pass through our lives infrequently, but others can make our lives downright intolerable. If the person making our lives difficult was someone we had to meet with and deal with everyday and most of our communication with them, preceded with a Yes, Boss…it could mean jeopardizing our mental and emotional health over a period of time.

Most people do not quit immediately when faced with a boss who seems closely related to Lucifer, but initially try various methods of dealing with him/her. One way is by trying to avoid contact with the person. The second would be to try to do one’s work as perfectly as possible, so as not to give him an excuse to be able to call you by what now seems to be your new names… imbecile, dolt, incompetent idiot .

One would think that people who reach a position to lord it over others must have certain leadership qualities, but that is just as good a myth as the Golden Fleece. All kinds of people make it to the top echelons. There will be some bosses who will steal your ideas and pass it off as their own, feel threatened by your skills and seize every opportunity to play up any minor flaws of yours and, belittle you in subtle ways. Then there could be others who motivate you, take you under their wing and help you grow in ways you had never dreamed of. Remember, just because someone has made it to the Boss title, it doesn’t automatically render him with qualities of interpersonal skills. They are in a position where they can be mean and spiteful, while nonchalantly pretending that they are only getting the work done. I remember a boss of mine who would deliberately start handing out work just an hour before it was time to leave or prolonged his meetings interminably, just to keep staff back in the office. If anyone suggested that it could wait till the next day, they would be scathingly told they had no work ethics.

Sometimes this bullying is a not so subtle message being sent to other employees of what their fate could be, if they interfered and so the victim very rarely gets any open support though privately, everyone may offer their sympathies.

• The first thing is a bully boss does not bully everyone. He usually has his own set of sycophants who are always in his good books. Watch your boss carefully. How does he behave with his superiors? Does he go out of his way to show a different side to them? Does he demean you in public and make you squirm, using his power as a boss to do so? Does he seem to enjoy it? Remember the bullies in school? They attacked the kids who seemed vulnerable to them, who didn’t stand up to them. The same with bullying bosses. Somewhere down the line, their egos were damaged and now they are looking for punching bags.

• Secondly, bully bosses responses are more like reactions. They fly off the handle over little issues. Do not even try to understand why he threw at you the report you had been slaving over, just because it was not in the right font.

• Thirdly, bully bosses come back to attack their victims over and over again. They make it a point to tell the person that s/he is a fool who can never learn. Whatever the person may do, it is never good enough.

• Bully bosses very rarely take responsibility for their actions. You will often hear statements like- ‘I have to suffer fools, like you’ or ‘You make me lose my temper.’

In the long run, bullying is only self-serving and sends the wrong message. Employees lose their motivation and self-confidence becoming pale shadows of their former selves. Thoughts which run through their heads may vary right from-‘ If I confronted him, my problems may just get worse.’ Or ‘What if I lost my job, I just cannot afford that in these times of recession.’ The worst would be where the victim actually believes that he or she is the loser or incompetent that the boss accuses him of being.

So how does one handle a bully boss? Since all situations and all people are not the same, one cannot assume that the advice will work in all circumstances. However, to disentangle oneself from such a situation there are some common bits of advice that you can use.

1. First take a look at yourself. Is there something about you that attracts the bullies? I have watched colleagues of mine drive themselves into frenzy about all the things that could go wrong when they meet with the boss over a routine matter. So calm down. There is no point in anticipating the worst, even before it has happened. Even if you know the boss is going to call you a few choice names, it does not mean you are all he says you are. Do not define yourself with what he thinks you are. Bullies love to see people cringe before them. Someone who trembles, constantly apologizes, drops things, is just the kind of person they love to whet their spurs on. If you are that kind of person, you need to give yourself a good talking to. Talk very slowly and calmly and get out of his sight as quickly as possible. Do not get drawn into arguments, since you are going to lose.

2. Talk to the bully in private. It will take a lot of courage, but do not leave it too late till he has reduced you to a gibbering wreck and you cannot get two words past your lips. Once you realize you are a target of unnecessary vitriol, ask for a few minutes to talk to him privately. Tell him that you are feeling mistreated and abused and ask him how this can be avoided in the future. I remember once how I tried to face up to a bully boss and tried being very rational. There is absolutely no point…their agendas which they usually don’t admit to themselves is an emotional one. Expecting them to understand and analyze the problem and accept where the fault lies, very rarely works.Talking to the bully is for YOU…that you made an attempt at conflict resolution. Who knows if you are lucky enough, maybe the boss will take it down a notch or two after realizing that you are not fair game…you actually have a bite. Sometimes certain companies do not tolerate such practices and the boss may back off, realizing that you are capable of taking it up with higher authorities.

Of course if the name of the company is Schimdt and Schimdt and the BB is Schmidt, then you may as well pick up your potted plant and leave.

3. Find out from others what the top bosses feel about such a problem. Do they want to keep losing good staff if they are not willing to tackle it? Go to someone who is senior to your boss, who you know has the power to make changes or who has been strongly recommended to you. Put the situation to him. Present your facts. Ask him what can be done to prevent further abuse from taking place.

Before taking this step be sure that you are willing to take the consequences. You could just lose your job, since the boss could take the side of your boss or even if some action is taken it might not be enough and you might land up worse off. So do some networking and check out other job possibilities first. Get the support of family and friends, since they may have to cushion the fall out of your decision.

Remember to end the abuse, you may have to change jobs, it may not be fair….but it is realistic and in the end…it makes more sense. But don’t throw in the towel even before you put up a fair fight…remember, we cannot let the bullies win. The meek shall inherit the earth.

The video has some great tips too, besides what I have put here.