Have you lost your Mojo?

Remember the days when you felt you were alive and awash with all your dreams and had your whole life mapped out before you…or at least the next couple of decades. A great career, a man who would dote on you, lovely children, a cottage with a white picket fence….or whatever your particular dreams were. Today it may be a penthouse with minimalist furniture, a full time maid and a Pekingese to keep you company. Different strokes for different folks.

You woke up in the morning always on the right side of the bed and that wasn’t because you had moved your bed up against the wall. People turned around to look at you when you entered a room…you had that little strut, that joie de vivre, that effervescence that marked you as someone who people wanted to know and who carried their own little bit of sunshine wherever they went.

And then suddenly…whoosh…it was gone. Maybe it had been slowly fading away, and you didn’t quite notice it. But now you do. You feel dead, burned out, limp, listless. Have you said a final adieu to your Mojo?

For those who are still clueless about what exactly a mojo is…no, it isn't a pair of shoes you picked up on your last trip to Mexico, even if it does sound like that. What exactly then is Mojo? Some describe it as chutzpah…your inner soul, that incandescent spirit that defines you.

When you lose it, you feel like you have lost yourself. You find you no longer care if you schlep around the house the whole day in your pinstriped pyjamas and robe. You don’t think twice about visiting the local grocery store in your frayed shorts and tees and flip-flops. So what...it isn’t as if the Queen invited you for tea. Your last appointment at a beauty salon was months ago…your hair looks like you are competing with the local grunge rock band. You avoid looking closely at yourself in the mirror and even if you do, you bludgeon to death the temptation that arises to start using the gym membership that your hubby signed you up for. You gorge on a bucket of fried chicken instead and promise yourself, that there was always next month.

One day you go to the PTA and come back home wishing you hadn’t seen the look on your daughter’s face when she sees her mother in a Mom jeans and a T shirt that says…Life sucks. You try to make it up to her by telling her that you will take her shopping to pick her dress for the school fashion show and she turns you down, saying that she has already asked your always well-turned out neighbour to accompany her. Ouch…that hurt, didn’t it?

Oh yes, you have definitely lost your Mojo. It started off with not having time to pamper yourself…what with having to look after the kids and also work. Eating the fussy brats left over food, any extra money being saved up for their education or summer camps or little treats, food stains on your clothes, a permanent apron around your waist. The pounds just added on and you moved from a size small to a medium to a large, without even realizing it. The only sales you look at now are for your kids. You haven’t worn that stunning black dress you bought a year ago to go dancing with your husband. You wonder if you would fit into it, anyway. He seems to spend more time out of the house, and doesn’t bring you flowers for no reason at all, the way he used to.

How do you know you have lost your Mojo?

1. You have covered up all the mirrors in your house and no, you are not Greek and are not in mourning.

2. Your storeroom is full of triple-ply tissues, which can take all the weeping you seem to be constantly doing these days.

3. Even the sight of a hot fudge chocolate sundae doesn’t lift your mood.

4. You go out shopping and nothing pleases your critical eye, not even a sale at your favourite dress boutique.

5. Your friends have forgotten your phone number, since you have been avoiding them for long.

6. Your favourite hairstyle is your hair scraped back in a rubber band.

7. When you look down you cannot see your toes anymore and your sports shoes has mushrooms growing out of them.

8. Your favourite clothes are tees and baggy shorts or trousers.

9. You always pretend to be busy with something when your mother calls so that you can keep the calls short and not hear-snap out of it, from her one more time or how to deal with it.

10. Your kids keep making you cards, which say, You are the best mom in the world, so cheer up.

11. You binge on dark chocolate and red wine, telling yourself it is great for your health and it has all those mood lifters.

12. You hate your shitty job, but it takes too much of effort to plan what to do after, if you quit.

13. The happiest you felt in the last few months was when your daughter’s teacher rang and told you that summer camp was being extended for a couple of weeks.

14. You have hidden your weighing scale.

15. You watch Oprah Winfrey and when she talks about shlumpadinkas, you mentally tick off almost every characteristic trait that she talks about. It all fits you to the T.

If you have answered yes to more than five of the above, it is time to get off your butt and reclaim your Mojo, your health, your self-esteem. Finding your Mojo is more than just pushing yourself to visit your hairdresser, though that would be a good place to start.

• · Do things that make you laugh.
• · Pick up that phone and admit to your friends that you need their help.
• · Go out and spend the day with them, shopping, the theatre, a day at the spa…whatever it is that makes you feel uplifted.
• · Buy yourself some pick me up clothes, invest in a trendy haircut, which you never had the pluck to try before.
• · Change your hair colour. You can start small.
• · When you wake up in the morning, put on a bit of lip-gloss, a dress which does something for you.
• · Make it a point to talk to one person who makes you feel good everyday. Hire a baby sitter and spend an evening out with your husband/partner.
• · Change your routine. If you feel your job is what is getting you down, take the leap and quit.
• · Join that gym…endorphins help one feel that high.
• · Get to know your town…walk around, visit museums, cafes, go walkabout.
• · Take a dance class, a sculpture class, a chocolate making class…you will make new friends.
• · Start meditation or yoga classes.
• · Ask someone who cares about you to tell you what they think is wrong…constructive criticism should be taken the right way.

Remember getting your Mojo back needs some effort. To get the creative juices flowing, to get that spring back into your step, you have to see things from a different angle from a fresh perspective. There would be no point in putting up a picture of yourself when you were 25 and start working towards looking like that. That would be unfair expectations from yourself. So be realistic, but buck the depression, the blues, the feeling of, I am here to stay in this rut. It would be so easy for us to let our world shrink to the four walls of our bedroom, but remember there’s a huge world out there and it is ours for the taking. As Lord Tennyson said-

Come, my friends,
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles…
I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees

One thing I think that every woman should tell realize is that while her family is very important, she is equally significant in their lives and Me-Time is something she should always hold onto and indulge in.It will prevent the reoccurrence of the blues and losing one's Mojo.